And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
