Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
