So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
