Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
