how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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