so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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