Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I cannot find my penis.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
