I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
