Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
