I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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