Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize