i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Randomize
