At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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