I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
