You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
