Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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