Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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