I have demons in me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
