i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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