maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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