this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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