It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
