the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
