Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
