A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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