This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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