Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
