my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
