Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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