I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Come on in and take your pants off
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