Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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