you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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