I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
