I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
