Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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