i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
