Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
