You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
