plz talk dirty to me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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