My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
