Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
