K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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