Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
