This is not my ceiling
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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