your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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