It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
