K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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