the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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