please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize