I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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