Please, let me fuck your mom
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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