What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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