Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
