Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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