loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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