I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
