I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize