Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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