Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
