i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
