i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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