We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
