There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
