remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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