you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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