Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
