my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize