dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
