I will die if light touches me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
