Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish i was in the wii world.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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