My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
