Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
